Through the diaries and personal papers of a German woman, Vera Conrad, this book documents her wartime experiences and deepens our understanding of the complex experiences of trauma and grief that National Socialist supporters experienced. Building on scholarship about mourning and widowhood that largely focuses on state policies and public discourses, This Horrible Uncertainty provides an interpretive framework of people's perceptions of events and their capacity to respond to them. Using a history of emotions approach, Erika Quinn establishes that keeping the diary allowed Conrad to develop different selves in response to her responsibilities, fear, and grief after her husband was declared missing in 1943.

List of Figures and Maps
Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part I

Chapter 1. Women's Diaries and War: Form, Purpose, and Emotions
Chapter 2. "We Loved Each Other So Much" (1939-1943): Building a Life Together
Chapter 3. "We would be so happy if we could celebrate Christmas with your father": War comes to the Conrads

Part II

Chapter 4. "From now on this book will not be just for our kids, but rather first of all for you, dearest!": Becoming a Waiting Wife
Chapter 5. "Despite the war conditions everything at the farm keeps going": Stepping into New Responsibilities, 1944-1945

Part III

Chapter 6. "We were spared by a miracle," May 1944-January 1945: Bombing disrupts rural life
Chapter 7. "Sweetheart, I Don't Want to Fall into Their Hands," January 1945-June 1946: Defeat and Division
Chapter 8. Looking for Joachim, July 1945- May 1948: Waiting Wife

Conclusion: Afterlives

Bibliography

Erika Quinn is a Professor of History at Eureka College. Her publications include Franz Liszt: A Story of Central European Subjectivity (Brill, 2014), and Animals, Machines, and AI: On Human and Non-Human Emotions in Modern German Cultural History (De Gruyter, 2021) (co-edited with Holly Yanacek), as well as numerous contributions regarding grief, diaries, literature, and women in wartime. She is currently pursuing a Clinical License in Social Work with a focus on historic and intergenerational trauma.