'Wyndham-on-Sea.
Rainy Season.
Next Sunday.'

Sally Cooper manages her uncle's caravan park. She's normally quite good at it, but this season there's a problem. The town council - feeling that the resorts image is being damaged by the strangeness of the occupants of its caravan parks - has promised a million pounds to Wyndham-on-sea's dullest park. If that million pounds isn't won, Sally's park will close. And her uncle won't be very pleased. So Sally is charged with dulling down the site from top to bottom.

18 year old Teena Rama is 148.7% too beautiful - and gaining a percentage point every two days. Soon noone will be able to meet her without falling in love.

Mr Landen has no brain but he does have a tub of margarine between his ears.

There is a link between these seemingly unrelated facts.

Somewhere...

Praise for Stephen Walker:
"The strangest thing is this blackly humorous cartoon-like thriller is that it actually all works. Helplessly gripping."
SCOTSMAN

Raised by wolves, Stephen Walker was born in that Pennine Shangri-la, Sheffield. Like all the town's inhabitants, he is immortal. Over the years, he's unearthed numerous people stupid enough to employ him as a graphic artist and mural designer. But his first love is unemployment, to which he one day hopes to return. Semi-retired, he spends his days entertaining visitors by playing piano in the style of Mrs Mills while pondering the mysteries of this and other worlds.